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Patient Patience

23 Sep

To say that I’m exhausted from pain is an understatement.  Let me just give you a quick rundown of what’s going on….(and if technical, lady-business words make you uncomfortable – skip this one!)  I posted this ten days ago but updated it today 10/3/16.

April 2013 – intense pain and cramping during periods, had an ablation to help with pain

October 2015 – pain starts back up and surgery is scheduled, due to endometriosis

December 2015 – hysterectomy performed (partial, kept ovaries)

June 2016 – pain is back, but only in left side…checked for cyst – negative….GYN thinks due to endometriosis.  Suggests removing ovaries will kill estrogen and therefore stop feeding endometriosis.

June 2016 – Ovaries removed. No hormones prescribed so as to remove as much estrogen as possible.  Pain continues.  While performing surgery, notices there is significant endometriosis on colon.

July 2016 – Pain continues. Visits to primary care physician, GYN and general surgeon to discuss options.  Surgeon orders colonoscopy and EGD to check for any blockages or other issues.

August 2016 – Colonoscopy performed.  No blockages.  Colon is “floppy” but not showing any signs internally that endo has damaged.  Surgeon not convinced that endo is source of pain.  GYN is sure endo is.

September 9, 2016 – Follow up with general surgeon and he now wonders if pain could be from femoral hernia.  He checks and feels “something”.  He performs ultrasound and sees “something”.  Orders CT Scan.

September 20, 2016 – CT Scan performed and awaiting results.  Still waiting.  Not patiently.

I’m so hoping this pain can be a distant memory soon.  Until it is, I am just taking one day at a time….sometimes an hour at a time.  The pain is on my left side, is worse when I’m standing and appears for most of the time when I am standing/walking/sitting and if I am laying down it is more than likely THERE but maybe not as “sharp”.

September 26, 2016 – Follow up with general surgeon to discuss CT Scan.  He started to say the words that I dreaded hearing…”The scan did not 100% confirm….” and I have to be honest, I didn’t hear much else.  I broke down in tears and just stopped listening.  When he was finished I confessed that I wasn’t listening and he started over with “I still think you have a femoral hernia…” and that was enough to make me feel better.  He thinks maybe the scan didn’t show because I was lying down and the hernia could correct itself while I’m lying down – so he wanted to proceed with surgery.  While discussing the surgery details, he let me know that he wanted to perform the surgery using robotic assistance so that slimmed down the time slots and hospitals.  It would be at Rex’s Raleigh campus and the day was up for grabs (depending on who could proctor and when the robot rep was available to be on call).  He wanted to use this means in order to explore my abdomen/intestines/colon to check on the endometriosis.  OH YES…..I was so happy.  We scheduled the surgery….and then rescheduled (based on all of the above) for just 4 days later, Friday, September 30th.  I was so happy it was going to be on Friday instead of Thursday since Mike was in Boston but due back late Thursday night!  (To be honest, I would have still had the surgery, but I was glad I didn’t have to without him!)

September 30, 2016 – Surgery day!  Woke up at 3:30 to leave the house by 4:30 am.  Traffic was very light!  LOL  Getting the IV in……not easy.  This is just one of my arms and the other was as bad…I think they stuck me around 6 times.  When they finally get one, they broke my heart by saying, “Since your surgery is robotic, you have to have two IV’s.”  They quickly followed that up by telling me they would do the second one after I was asleep. (Thank you Jesus!)

20160930_205319

My Mom and Mike were there (my Daddy and in-laws were on MJ duty at a school program) and by my side until they took me back.  FAST FORWARD —

When I woke up from surgery, I remember being so scared!  I remember worrying right then that I’d still have the pain that has been my enemy!  I panicked and they gave me more oxygen as it had fallen to 91%.  After that, I was okay…got more pain meds…drank Ginger Ale, ate my graham crackers and got out of there!  I was so ready to be home and in my own bed.  I don’t remember much about the ride home at all!  Just that Mike checked on me and held my hand most of the way!

October 3, 2016 – It’s been a few days now and I have to tell you I’m really surprised at how much these incisions hurt!  They are bigger than my previous surgeries (and I mean my poor belly button has had three surgeries now in just 10 months) and feel more tender.  Getting up and down out of a chair or the bed feels a bit like someone is ripping muscle in my abdomen….but no big deal…ha!  I do feel better every day so that’s a positive.  The leg pain that had started as a result (we believe) of the hernia is GONE – praise God!!

I am so thankful for friends and family who have reached out, helped out and prayed diligently.  I may not have a large family but I have an amazing husband and kids, an awesome set of parents and in-laws and many cousins who have prayed and checked in on me.  I’m blessed.

I can’t believe all that has changed in three months.  I went from a workaholic to a stay at home Mom.  A relatively healthy 37 year old to a 37 year old hermit in chronic pain.  Making the decision to leave my stressful, travel-heavy job was a hard one but I am so grateful that my husband and family supported me in it so much.  There is absolutely no way I could commit to working at this point.  I’m thankful that I have always had a job, since I was 15 (shout out to Jimbo’s Grill and On Cue!!) and I have had amazing opportunities, met wonderful people and learned many things (shout out to pivot tables, vlookups and incentive programs).  The season I’m in now is one of waiting and being still and having faith.  It’s uncomfortable but I do believe that the Lord is with me and is guiding me through this.  He is giving me strength to do things that matter.  Homework with MJ, moving my oldest to college, getting ready for doctor appointments, cooking dinner for my sweet husband….the important things.  I am just learning every day to be a patient patient.  It’s not easy.

Save the people, Save the world

17 Jan

So my writing prompt today is:  How would you start saving the world if you woke up tomorrow with superhuman powers?

I don’t need superhuman powers to know what our world needs.  Our world needs Jesus.  Our world needs to know the love of our God, who gave up His only Son…for us.  To save US.  If we all, every one of us, kept that in our minds all day, every day…I wonder how the world would be different.  Maybe the shootings might end?  Would the deceit and lies and petty things and adultery and theft all cease?  If you thought of your sin as a direct mark or hit on Jesus – would it stop you?  Stop looking to be saved by acts or power or money or deeds and look to the One who can do it….Jesus.  Invite Him into your heart.  Pray this:

Father, I know I’m a sinner and that I don’t deserve eternal life.  Please forgive me.  I want to turn away from my past sinful life and turn towards you.  Please help me to not sin again.  I know that you sent your son, Jesus Christ, to die for me and my sins.  I also know that He is alive and hears this prayer.  I invite Jesus to become the Lord of my life, to rule and reign in my heart from today forward.  I accept Your gift of eternal life.  In Jesus’ name, AMEN!

If you prayed that….tell me!  Tell everyone!  Welcome to the family….  🙂  Praise the Lord!!!

Just Reflection

14 Dec

My heart is really heavy tonight.  I’ve prayed, I’ve cried, I’ve read, I’ve watched…I’ve tried to comprehend the details and then shut my computer in dismay.  I have hugged my children, absorbed in their scents, and thanked the Lord for my blessings.  I feel so incredibly sad for the families of the little angels that lost their lives today.  I feel so raw with emotion that I can’t even put into words exactly how it makes me feel.  I am looking to my Lord.  I am not asking for answers or understanding or even peace.  What I ask is for more people to trust Him.  More people to have the kind of faith that moves mountains.  That heals hearts.  That forgives.  Those children were so innocent, so unfinished.  Surely so loved by a parent or two….grandparents…great-grandparents..aunts..uncles…brothers…sisters.  Those small little hands and fingers and toes….so small and yet so missed this evening.  I cannot even imagine the hurt and loss that their families must be feeling.  But, even so, I pray that they have faith.  I pray that they look to Him.  I pray that they would draw closer and nearer to the only one who can deliver them.  I pray that they would know Him, love Him, trust Him.  Only through Him will they once again see those small eyes and be reunited among streets of gold!!!  I pray for comfort for these people, this town, our country.  We surely need many things…but most of all, Him.

Love and Marriage…and…Progress Reports??

28 Nov

Of course when I was in school…progress reports were not my favorite thing.  Once I discovered boys started high school I sure didn’t like those two words together.  I never thought I’d yearn for a checkup of how I’m doing!  However, as an adult who works full time in a fast paced role, I look forward to performance reviews to be able to have that check-in with my boss (a busy, Global Vice President). I need to hear the good, bad and ugly of how I’m doing so I can act on it. As a Manager, I welcome the opportunity to do the same.  I take it seriously.  I’m probably one of the few people who really enjoys it!!

Well..as a married woman who love love loves her hubby so much…like SO much..I often wish I had a template of a marriage progress report to measure my performance.  To feel like I know what I’m doing right and wrong and in between.  I’m going to create one.  I want to.  I might.  I should add that to my bucket list.  Mike and I have our own detailed conversations about this and daily I truly do attempt to do something that translates the WORDS I love you into an action…but life is busy and chaotic and sometimes you just want to be sure that’s the message you’re conveying!   Somewhere between the “Honey, can you pick up supper?” and the “I have no idea where your socks are.  I don’t wear them!”, you just want to know that the love is shining through!

Hmm. More on this later. Need to wash some socks.

Guilty of a Happy Marriage

29 Sep

I feel bad from time to time about talking about how happy Mike and I are….and then, I stop.  Because I *am* happy and I don’t think I should feel guilty about that.  I am blessed and I know it.  I’m appreciative and I thank the Lord for it every day.  Is it perfect?  No.  Do we argue? Yes.  Does it last for days?  NO!

I don’t know how to explain it but we are both so very appreciative of one another that we just simply don’t let time pass without letting each other KNOW that.  We are very careful to not sweat the small stuff.  We are open, honest, and truly try to make each other happy every single day.

And if you have a similar relationship – good for you!  And if you don’t, I sincerely hope one day you do.

Either way, I won’t apologize about my happiness.  Ever again.

Five ways to win my heart {Blog Challenge}

6 Aug

It’s funny that this would be the first blog subject…as it’s been a part of a recent conversation between myself and a coworker.  This is easy.

  1. Be nice to me.  Just nice.  Not overly kind or generous, just nice.  I really sincerely appreciate a smile in the morning or a “bless you” when I sneeze.  
  2. Compliment me.  Tell me I’m doing a good job or that my hair looks nice.  I am a sucker for it.  I have always thrived on this…but just recently really realized it.  I always try to do my best..but if I know you are going to TELL ME…..I’ll go the extra mile.
  3. Cook me something I love.  My Mama has this down pat.  She has my heart.  I can probably attribute my borderline diabetes and weight issues to this same line as well.  Hmm. 😉
  4. Be nice to my kids.  A waitress goes very far in my book (meaning: tip) if you speak to my kids. They are human beings and I appreciate when someone goes out of their way to make a big deal of my children.  Because, honestly, they ARE a big deal. 
  5. Be the kind of person to do the right thing.  That’s how Mike Jones did it.  He’s just “that guy”.  He’s the one that friends know they can count on, his Mama knows he loves her and his baby girl just can’t get enough of.  He just exudes this trustworthy personality…because you know he’s just going to always be the kind of guy to make a good choice.  
Reading back over that……………..wow, I am so easy…………..

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