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Patient Patience

23 Sep

To say that I’m exhausted from pain is an understatement.  Let me just give you a quick rundown of what’s going on….(and if technical, lady-business words make you uncomfortable – skip this one!)  I posted this ten days ago but updated it today 10/3/16.

April 2013 – intense pain and cramping during periods, had an ablation to help with pain

October 2015 – pain starts back up and surgery is scheduled, due to endometriosis

December 2015 – hysterectomy performed (partial, kept ovaries)

June 2016 – pain is back, but only in left side…checked for cyst – negative….GYN thinks due to endometriosis.  Suggests removing ovaries will kill estrogen and therefore stop feeding endometriosis.

June 2016 – Ovaries removed. No hormones prescribed so as to remove as much estrogen as possible.  Pain continues.  While performing surgery, notices there is significant endometriosis on colon.

July 2016 – Pain continues. Visits to primary care physician, GYN and general surgeon to discuss options.  Surgeon orders colonoscopy and EGD to check for any blockages or other issues.

August 2016 – Colonoscopy performed.  No blockages.  Colon is “floppy” but not showing any signs internally that endo has damaged.  Surgeon not convinced that endo is source of pain.  GYN is sure endo is.

September 9, 2016 – Follow up with general surgeon and he now wonders if pain could be from femoral hernia.  He checks and feels “something”.  He performs ultrasound and sees “something”.  Orders CT Scan.

September 20, 2016 – CT Scan performed and awaiting results.  Still waiting.  Not patiently.

I’m so hoping this pain can be a distant memory soon.  Until it is, I am just taking one day at a time….sometimes an hour at a time.  The pain is on my left side, is worse when I’m standing and appears for most of the time when I am standing/walking/sitting and if I am laying down it is more than likely THERE but maybe not as “sharp”.

September 26, 2016 – Follow up with general surgeon to discuss CT Scan.  He started to say the words that I dreaded hearing…”The scan did not 100% confirm….” and I have to be honest, I didn’t hear much else.  I broke down in tears and just stopped listening.  When he was finished I confessed that I wasn’t listening and he started over with “I still think you have a femoral hernia…” and that was enough to make me feel better.  He thinks maybe the scan didn’t show because I was lying down and the hernia could correct itself while I’m lying down – so he wanted to proceed with surgery.  While discussing the surgery details, he let me know that he wanted to perform the surgery using robotic assistance so that slimmed down the time slots and hospitals.  It would be at Rex’s Raleigh campus and the day was up for grabs (depending on who could proctor and when the robot rep was available to be on call).  He wanted to use this means in order to explore my abdomen/intestines/colon to check on the endometriosis.  OH YES…..I was so happy.  We scheduled the surgery….and then rescheduled (based on all of the above) for just 4 days later, Friday, September 30th.  I was so happy it was going to be on Friday instead of Thursday since Mike was in Boston but due back late Thursday night!  (To be honest, I would have still had the surgery, but I was glad I didn’t have to without him!)

September 30, 2016 – Surgery day!  Woke up at 3:30 to leave the house by 4:30 am.  Traffic was very light!  LOL  Getting the IV in……not easy.  This is just one of my arms and the other was as bad…I think they stuck me around 6 times.  When they finally get one, they broke my heart by saying, “Since your surgery is robotic, you have to have two IV’s.”  They quickly followed that up by telling me they would do the second one after I was asleep. (Thank you Jesus!)

20160930_205319

My Mom and Mike were there (my Daddy and in-laws were on MJ duty at a school program) and by my side until they took me back.  FAST FORWARD —

When I woke up from surgery, I remember being so scared!  I remember worrying right then that I’d still have the pain that has been my enemy!  I panicked and they gave me more oxygen as it had fallen to 91%.  After that, I was okay…got more pain meds…drank Ginger Ale, ate my graham crackers and got out of there!  I was so ready to be home and in my own bed.  I don’t remember much about the ride home at all!  Just that Mike checked on me and held my hand most of the way!

October 3, 2016 – It’s been a few days now and I have to tell you I’m really surprised at how much these incisions hurt!  They are bigger than my previous surgeries (and I mean my poor belly button has had three surgeries now in just 10 months) and feel more tender.  Getting up and down out of a chair or the bed feels a bit like someone is ripping muscle in my abdomen….but no big deal…ha!  I do feel better every day so that’s a positive.  The leg pain that had started as a result (we believe) of the hernia is GONE – praise God!!

I am so thankful for friends and family who have reached out, helped out and prayed diligently.  I may not have a large family but I have an amazing husband and kids, an awesome set of parents and in-laws and many cousins who have prayed and checked in on me.  I’m blessed.

I can’t believe all that has changed in three months.  I went from a workaholic to a stay at home Mom.  A relatively healthy 37 year old to a 37 year old hermit in chronic pain.  Making the decision to leave my stressful, travel-heavy job was a hard one but I am so grateful that my husband and family supported me in it so much.  There is absolutely no way I could commit to working at this point.  I’m thankful that I have always had a job, since I was 15 (shout out to Jimbo’s Grill and On Cue!!) and I have had amazing opportunities, met wonderful people and learned many things (shout out to pivot tables, vlookups and incentive programs).  The season I’m in now is one of waiting and being still and having faith.  It’s uncomfortable but I do believe that the Lord is with me and is guiding me through this.  He is giving me strength to do things that matter.  Homework with MJ, moving my oldest to college, getting ready for doctor appointments, cooking dinner for my sweet husband….the important things.  I am just learning every day to be a patient patient.  It’s not easy.

Change is good (Period. Exclamation! Question Mark?)

18 Jan

I don’t know if the title of my post is a question, a statement, or a cry.  Sometimes you think you want or need change and it’s awesome.  It’s just what the soul needed.  Sometimes you don’t expect it and there it is – BOOM.  It hurts, it’s awkward…it makes your insides ache.  Sometimes it just is.  It happens and you’re not happy or sad about it.  You just roll with it and move on.

So many people tackle the “new year” with such fervor.  Such hope and joy and expectations galore.  I just wish I could sit down with a large percentage of them and just ask some questions…why now? what have you been waiting on? what is different on January 1st that couldn’t have started June 2nd or September 6th or May 9th? is there some magical reset that takes place with the tossing of a calendar?

I think we all know that’s absurd. As adults we know that we can start fresh anytime.  We can turn away from the past and move on to a new path.  As a Christian, I know that I MUST turn away.  When you ask for forgiveness, you do so with repentance.  To turn away from the old.  That means you STOP doing that thing that you are asking forgiveness for.  Boy, if teenagers REPENTED to their parents wouldn’t life be simple?  If your husband REPENTED, would you not have a happier home?  So, what stops us?  Being human?  Being weak?  Being sinners?  I am so convicted this week about this.  I am so convicted about having a pure home.  I want this for my children.  I don’t wish to shelter them, no…but I do wish to have my heart softened.  To not make excuses.  To want the best for them.  To want what God wants for them.  To know it’s possible.  To pray for it.  To ache for that.  To remember…Philippians 4:13 says, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”  It doesn’t say I can TRY…it says I CAN.

If you are reading this and aren’t saved, don’t know what it is to be a Christian or don’t know how to ask Jesus into your heart – please do reach out.  I’d love to talk to you and answer any questions you might have.  My email is mrsjmejones@gmail.com.  

Does God have Disney plans for you??

1 Jul

So, I kept a secret from my kids.  They didn’t know we were headed to Disney World after we moved into our new house….and I did quite a bit of planning behind their backs.  I wanted the WOW factor when they found out…I wanted them to LOVE it and to be SO EXCITED.  I have waited and waited for the time to reveal this surprise to them.

Disney

 

It got me thinking.  I wonder how our Heavenly Father must feel about the plans He has for us.  I wonder how it must be to know our future and know how much He can bless us?  It makes me feel pretty pitiful for ever going against God’s will.  To think that I’ve bucked His plans or wondered what He was thinking.  You know if my kids would have said “MOM, I’d rather have gone to Carowinds!!”  I would have been crushed.  I imagine there are many times that God wants the WOW factor for us and we give Him a groan or moan or anything-less-than-excitement.

May we remember that the worst of things that are happening to us might be the very thing that Christ is using to teach us a lesson of life or of LOVE.  His secret will lead to our joy if we just remember to see it that way and treat it as such.

I hope I can hold on to this and remember it tomorrow and the day after…and forever.  It’s so easy to complain but much more of a challenge to look for the blessings….are you up for the challenge?  I am!!!

Forgiveness

7 Jun

A couple of weeks ago, one of our pastors preached on FORGIVENESS.  I walked away with many thoughts about this topic.  I find it interesting that so many people throw around the request to be forgiven as well as the words “I forgive you.”….funny how it becomes easy to SAY.  How good are we at actually DOING it?  Pastor Murr talked about how when we are presented an opportunity to forgive, we should remember how WE WERE FORGIVEN.  And we were.  And are.  Over and over.  Because we sin.  Daily.  Our Lord forgives us.  He already has.  He paid the debt for all of our sins and we are FORGIVEN.  Who are we to not forgive someone for hurting us, for lying to us, for letting us down.  How many times have you done that to Jesus?  Jesus isn’t bitter.  He doesn’t love us less or treat us differently.  He forgives and forgets it.  Try it.

Save the people, Save the world

17 Jan

So my writing prompt today is:  How would you start saving the world if you woke up tomorrow with superhuman powers?

I don’t need superhuman powers to know what our world needs.  Our world needs Jesus.  Our world needs to know the love of our God, who gave up His only Son…for us.  To save US.  If we all, every one of us, kept that in our minds all day, every day…I wonder how the world would be different.  Maybe the shootings might end?  Would the deceit and lies and petty things and adultery and theft all cease?  If you thought of your sin as a direct mark or hit on Jesus – would it stop you?  Stop looking to be saved by acts or power or money or deeds and look to the One who can do it….Jesus.  Invite Him into your heart.  Pray this:

Father, I know I’m a sinner and that I don’t deserve eternal life.  Please forgive me.  I want to turn away from my past sinful life and turn towards you.  Please help me to not sin again.  I know that you sent your son, Jesus Christ, to die for me and my sins.  I also know that He is alive and hears this prayer.  I invite Jesus to become the Lord of my life, to rule and reign in my heart from today forward.  I accept Your gift of eternal life.  In Jesus’ name, AMEN!

If you prayed that….tell me!  Tell everyone!  Welcome to the family….  🙂  Praise the Lord!!!

Super Jamie!!!

14 Jan

So, as you all know, I’m doing this blog challenge so some of the posts are a little “out there” and ask silly questions.  I feel like I want to finish this though…soo…today’s was:  “If you were a superhero, what would be your hidden superpower?”

I have never thought about this (except on Saturday when I learned that SOME PEOPLE see words in their head instead of pictures when they are searching for content – WHAT?????) at all.  I read this on Friday though and have been thinking about it ever since.  As of now, I GOT NOTHIN.  I have no desire to see through walls or hear what people are thinking.  I don’t think I’d want to see the future or breathe fire out of my nose.  I don’t want to be able to have spidey senses that would tingle or leap tall buildings.  Currently, I am happy with reading into people’s actions, listening to their words and I wear contacts that help my deteriorating vision.  I have faith in the future since my Lord has told me to not worry about it.  Fire?  Me?  I’m way too hot-natured.  Spidey senses would probably be worse than those few times I’ve forgotten to take my thyroid medicine.  Tall buildings are pretty cool to look UP at so I’m good there.  I can wash clothes, watch Lifetime and raise children all at one time.  I can cook supper, clean dishes and have a conversation with my hubby without burning anything.  I can conference call, create spreadsheets, and handle personnel all at once.

Basically – I am a mom, wife, daughter and a manager – so CLEARLY – being SUPER?  It’s in the job description!  🙂

Sing a Little Song…Or…Not.

13 Jan

Can I share a confession with you?

I dream to sing in a choir.  Like, when I’m at church, I picture myself up there.  I love to sing.  I love to sing praise music.

However – I have amazingly low self-esteem.  I’m shy.  And I’m crazy self-conscious about EVERYTHING.  My voice, my body, my face, my freckles, my everything!  Now, I know that God made me and he doesn’t make any junk…..sure!  However, the feeling I get when I think of putting myself out there like that?  SCARY!!!!

Will you pray with me that God can use this self-conscious person to sing his praises before I do it in Heaven?  I am quite sure I will there…but I’d kinda like to do it BEFORE then!

Just Reflection

14 Dec

My heart is really heavy tonight.  I’ve prayed, I’ve cried, I’ve read, I’ve watched…I’ve tried to comprehend the details and then shut my computer in dismay.  I have hugged my children, absorbed in their scents, and thanked the Lord for my blessings.  I feel so incredibly sad for the families of the little angels that lost their lives today.  I feel so raw with emotion that I can’t even put into words exactly how it makes me feel.  I am looking to my Lord.  I am not asking for answers or understanding or even peace.  What I ask is for more people to trust Him.  More people to have the kind of faith that moves mountains.  That heals hearts.  That forgives.  Those children were so innocent, so unfinished.  Surely so loved by a parent or two….grandparents…great-grandparents..aunts..uncles…brothers…sisters.  Those small little hands and fingers and toes….so small and yet so missed this evening.  I cannot even imagine the hurt and loss that their families must be feeling.  But, even so, I pray that they have faith.  I pray that they look to Him.  I pray that they would draw closer and nearer to the only one who can deliver them.  I pray that they would know Him, love Him, trust Him.  Only through Him will they once again see those small eyes and be reunited among streets of gold!!!  I pray for comfort for these people, this town, our country.  We surely need many things…but most of all, Him.

Election Affection

5 Nov

As I’m attempting to complete the NaBloPoMo blogging party…I’m using some prompts to keep things fresh around here and not just write about MONO!  🙂  Today’s is timely of course…and involves our fabulous election that will take place tomorrow!

What do I think about it?  I think it’s a wonderful thing.  I am so very proud to live in a country where we are given the right…the ability…the responsibility…the privilege of electing the official that will execute our federal laws.  I think it’s sad that some don’t use it…some don’t think it matters…some don’t agree with it.  I personally feel very obligated to educate myself on the nominees of local, state and federal offices.  I feel that I need to vote with my head AND heart.  I know that I need to use my own beliefs and hopes for our country, in order to vote with a strong understand of who and what I’m voting for.  It’s hard, with the negative ads from both sides…with the banter on social media sites coming from and at both sides…with the chaos that surrounds the nominees and sorting through it all.  When it comes down to it though, I pray.  I pray for each nominee and their families.  I can’t imagine what they go through, what they are up against.  I pray for our country and know that no matter what happens…who wins and who loses, that MY job is to pray.  I know who is in charge, in my Lord and Savior.  He makes no mistakes and He has His hands on our country, my house and my life…so I have peace in that.  Just remember….One nation…under God!!!!!  🙂

Mono-logues

4 Oct

So I decided that my update yesterday could have been called vague….and that is surely not ever my goal.  I prefer to be clear, pointed and transparent.  So, let me seriously give you the lowdown.  

  • I am tracking along with this illness.  (If you’re just learning of my mono issues, you can see the old news here.)
  • I can expect another 2-3 weeks of feeling bad….but hopefully will make the turn soon and be able to join the living again.
  • For the next 6-9 weeks I will be especially susceptible to pneumonia, bronchitis, strep, colds and have the increased risk of hepatitis so my liver functions will be tested regularly.
  • I have an ear infection so he gave me antibiotics for that, which of course go great with anyone’s tummy right?  (Blah!!)
  • Since I have a “weakened immune system”, I am to limit exposure to known sick individuals and to go to the doctor if I have the teeny tiny beginning signs of a cold, sore throat or any fever.
  • I am normal.  Several symptoms made me wonder if I was…and I am.  Not sure if I’m happy or sad about that!!!  
  • The dizziness should get better over the next few weeks.  He is hopeful that it will not last the duration of this illness (which is about 12 weeks total).
  • I should not be taking anything for sleep.  I asked because I am so off on my sleep patterns.  He wants me to sleep when I am sleepy and not worry about when that is.  
That’s all, folks!  I seriously want to thank those of you who ask about me daily, who have called, emailed, texted to check on me, those who’ve sent things, those who have prayed.  I appreciate you all so much.  This has been more than I ever could have imagined so I truly am most grateful for one thing – PATIENCE.  I’m not really good at it….but I’ve learned more than ever who is…my husband has been so loving and patient through this, I can’t even express how much of a difference that makes.  My sweet  mother has been especially kind and helpful.  My kids have been totally understanding and have seemed to enjoy doing little things for me and I have to tell you that their handmade cards are the most treasured.  My boss has been amazing and easy on me.  My colleagues have been absolutely wonderful and have picked up where I left off in a big way.  My employees have been receptive to the changes that they have had to endure and have stepped up to make sure things didn’t fall through the cracks.  My friends and family have been sweet to check on me.  I have had cupcakes, spaghetti, lemon pound cake and flowers delivered….(ohhh thank you to my sweet cousin Diane Thomas for that spaghetti…it was timely and so so so so good!)…and I am so very humbled by the kindness of my loved ones and of strangers as well.  From people who have contacted me privately through my blog or people who have found other ways…I just can’t say enough how much it means to me.  This has been a hard thing for me  for which I’ve had no control.  (Possibly that’s the hardest part.)  Thanks to you guys for making it a little easier on me.  Love you all!!!
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