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Perspective

7 Nov

Sometimes we get reminded of how important perspective is.  A few examples lately:

MJ is SO excited to “vote” tomorrow at school.  Many (including me) take this for granted or see it as a chore or burden.  My eight year old is looking forward to it, she did her “research” and knows who she is voting for and prepared to defend it!  Many fought for this right for all of us and we should all see it that way!  No matter your political preference or level of HAD IT with this election, I hope everyone has voted or will vote tomorrow!

I take MJ to school 99% of the time.  I won’t lie and say that I don’t take it for granted.  I am blessed to have the ability to do that.  I have since she was in K-5.  I took Christian to school for the most part until he was able to drive.  This is something that some Moms would love to do.  This morning, Mike was so happy to be able to drive MJ to school.  He’s playing in a golf tournament today and made sure he planned his morning to have the time for his baby girl.  It warms my heart mostly but it also reminds me that what one person might grumble about or not look forward to, another longs for.  What one person sees as a responsibility, another sees as a JOY.

I guess it’s fitting that I am realizing this now…in this season of THANKSGIVING.  Basically, I am hoping this reminds me to not take things for granted, to choose JOY and to be thankful for the blessings that the Lord has given me.  Maybe someone else could use a reminder too.  🙂

Patient Patience

23 Sep

To say that I’m exhausted from pain is an understatement.  Let me just give you a quick rundown of what’s going on….(and if technical, lady-business words make you uncomfortable – skip this one!)  I posted this ten days ago but updated it today 10/3/16.

April 2013 – intense pain and cramping during periods, had an ablation to help with pain

October 2015 – pain starts back up and surgery is scheduled, due to endometriosis

December 2015 – hysterectomy performed (partial, kept ovaries)

June 2016 – pain is back, but only in left side…checked for cyst – negative….GYN thinks due to endometriosis.  Suggests removing ovaries will kill estrogen and therefore stop feeding endometriosis.

June 2016 – Ovaries removed. No hormones prescribed so as to remove as much estrogen as possible.  Pain continues.  While performing surgery, notices there is significant endometriosis on colon.

July 2016 – Pain continues. Visits to primary care physician, GYN and general surgeon to discuss options.  Surgeon orders colonoscopy and EGD to check for any blockages or other issues.

August 2016 – Colonoscopy performed.  No blockages.  Colon is “floppy” but not showing any signs internally that endo has damaged.  Surgeon not convinced that endo is source of pain.  GYN is sure endo is.

September 9, 2016 – Follow up with general surgeon and he now wonders if pain could be from femoral hernia.  He checks and feels “something”.  He performs ultrasound and sees “something”.  Orders CT Scan.

September 20, 2016 – CT Scan performed and awaiting results.  Still waiting.  Not patiently.

I’m so hoping this pain can be a distant memory soon.  Until it is, I am just taking one day at a time….sometimes an hour at a time.  The pain is on my left side, is worse when I’m standing and appears for most of the time when I am standing/walking/sitting and if I am laying down it is more than likely THERE but maybe not as “sharp”.

September 26, 2016 – Follow up with general surgeon to discuss CT Scan.  He started to say the words that I dreaded hearing…”The scan did not 100% confirm….” and I have to be honest, I didn’t hear much else.  I broke down in tears and just stopped listening.  When he was finished I confessed that I wasn’t listening and he started over with “I still think you have a femoral hernia…” and that was enough to make me feel better.  He thinks maybe the scan didn’t show because I was lying down and the hernia could correct itself while I’m lying down – so he wanted to proceed with surgery.  While discussing the surgery details, he let me know that he wanted to perform the surgery using robotic assistance so that slimmed down the time slots and hospitals.  It would be at Rex’s Raleigh campus and the day was up for grabs (depending on who could proctor and when the robot rep was available to be on call).  He wanted to use this means in order to explore my abdomen/intestines/colon to check on the endometriosis.  OH YES…..I was so happy.  We scheduled the surgery….and then rescheduled (based on all of the above) for just 4 days later, Friday, September 30th.  I was so happy it was going to be on Friday instead of Thursday since Mike was in Boston but due back late Thursday night!  (To be honest, I would have still had the surgery, but I was glad I didn’t have to without him!)

September 30, 2016 – Surgery day!  Woke up at 3:30 to leave the house by 4:30 am.  Traffic was very light!  LOL  Getting the IV in……not easy.  This is just one of my arms and the other was as bad…I think they stuck me around 6 times.  When they finally get one, they broke my heart by saying, “Since your surgery is robotic, you have to have two IV’s.”  They quickly followed that up by telling me they would do the second one after I was asleep. (Thank you Jesus!)

20160930_205319

My Mom and Mike were there (my Daddy and in-laws were on MJ duty at a school program) and by my side until they took me back.  FAST FORWARD —

When I woke up from surgery, I remember being so scared!  I remember worrying right then that I’d still have the pain that has been my enemy!  I panicked and they gave me more oxygen as it had fallen to 91%.  After that, I was okay…got more pain meds…drank Ginger Ale, ate my graham crackers and got out of there!  I was so ready to be home and in my own bed.  I don’t remember much about the ride home at all!  Just that Mike checked on me and held my hand most of the way!

October 3, 2016 – It’s been a few days now and I have to tell you I’m really surprised at how much these incisions hurt!  They are bigger than my previous surgeries (and I mean my poor belly button has had three surgeries now in just 10 months) and feel more tender.  Getting up and down out of a chair or the bed feels a bit like someone is ripping muscle in my abdomen….but no big deal…ha!  I do feel better every day so that’s a positive.  The leg pain that had started as a result (we believe) of the hernia is GONE – praise God!!

I am so thankful for friends and family who have reached out, helped out and prayed diligently.  I may not have a large family but I have an amazing husband and kids, an awesome set of parents and in-laws and many cousins who have prayed and checked in on me.  I’m blessed.

I can’t believe all that has changed in three months.  I went from a workaholic to a stay at home Mom.  A relatively healthy 37 year old to a 37 year old hermit in chronic pain.  Making the decision to leave my stressful, travel-heavy job was a hard one but I am so grateful that my husband and family supported me in it so much.  There is absolutely no way I could commit to working at this point.  I’m thankful that I have always had a job, since I was 15 (shout out to Jimbo’s Grill and On Cue!!) and I have had amazing opportunities, met wonderful people and learned many things (shout out to pivot tables, vlookups and incentive programs).  The season I’m in now is one of waiting and being still and having faith.  It’s uncomfortable but I do believe that the Lord is with me and is guiding me through this.  He is giving me strength to do things that matter.  Homework with MJ, moving my oldest to college, getting ready for doctor appointments, cooking dinner for my sweet husband….the important things.  I am just learning every day to be a patient patient.  It’s not easy.

My Business

15 Aug

No, not starting a business…not closing a business or minding my business….just I’m BUSY!

Moving, Disney, kids, summer, work, etc etc etc have kept me from stopping and trying to remember any of it…that makes me sad.  However it makes me MADcrazyHAPPY that I have been too busy to notice.  Lately the only thing I even WRITE is my prayer list (which seems to get longer by the day – sadly) so sitting down to type is unthinkable one some days!

Moving has definitely been the time suck of the year!  Hmm, I guess technically “moving” itself wasn’t the time consuming activity….that was over in a day.  Filling a house has been the thing….buying new things, repurposing old ones, shopping for bargains, creating new memories in a new space.  It’s been EXHAUSTING…but most of all…it’s been FUN!!!  It’s one of those things that makes it so apparent to me that crazy times bring out the MOST of what you have the most of.  If you have love and fun and happiness, you will get more of THAT.  My sweet husband has been so awesome throughout this transitional phase of having a new space to live in…..he’s dealt with my shopping habits, my chevron obsessions and my need to decorate every nook and cranny with some form of turquoise, aqua or gray!  My kids have totally enjoyed finding their own new things and old things alike and have been such troopers about keeping things clean and organized.  My Mom has been….an angel!  She has loved shopping for me and crafting and lending a hand or elbow or whatever was needed.  My niece helped unpack like a madwoman and it was a great time to have my entire family…inlaws, parents, niece and her boyfriend, sissy and her hubby and my baby niece….my kids…our friend Zoe…it was just awesome.  I have had more visitors in a month than I believe I had at my former house in the seven years we lived there!  It’s just fun getting opinions on decor and organization sometimes, right?  ((OH AND THERE IS THAT POOL PROJECT THAT I HAVE NIGHTMARES ABOUT!!!  SO MANY DECISIONS…….EEEEEK.)

Getting the kids ready for back to school…fun times.  My kids will all be at the same school and I’m thrilled about that.  MJ is starting K5 and I can’t even believe it.  The speed at which time has flown is amazing.  I’d like to say I’m dealing with my baby going to school very well but I’m not a liar.  She’s so ready and I want to show her how excited I am for her and I do…and then I fall apart alone!!  WHEW!  It will be all fine and well next Friday after it’s been a day and we’ve had “that” day and she did fine and was happy and didn’t hold onto my leg for dear life.  (Dear God, please don’t let that happen. Amen.)  The boys are kinda “meh” about school starting back….but that’s to be expected at 12 and 15.  Happy for them to get in there and get it going though!

Mike’s promotion + school = CRAZY!  Many nights when we first moved in (he had finals then), I didn’t see him after dinner because I couldn’t stay up until he got in bed!   Work has been busy for him as well….he hasn’t even played much golf lately!

TO BE CONTINUED…………I can’t even stay awake!!!

Does God have Disney plans for you??

1 Jul

So, I kept a secret from my kids.  They didn’t know we were headed to Disney World after we moved into our new house….and I did quite a bit of planning behind their backs.  I wanted the WOW factor when they found out…I wanted them to LOVE it and to be SO EXCITED.  I have waited and waited for the time to reveal this surprise to them.

Disney

 

It got me thinking.  I wonder how our Heavenly Father must feel about the plans He has for us.  I wonder how it must be to know our future and know how much He can bless us?  It makes me feel pretty pitiful for ever going against God’s will.  To think that I’ve bucked His plans or wondered what He was thinking.  You know if my kids would have said “MOM, I’d rather have gone to Carowinds!!”  I would have been crushed.  I imagine there are many times that God wants the WOW factor for us and we give Him a groan or moan or anything-less-than-excitement.

May we remember that the worst of things that are happening to us might be the very thing that Christ is using to teach us a lesson of life or of LOVE.  His secret will lead to our joy if we just remember to see it that way and treat it as such.

I hope I can hold on to this and remember it tomorrow and the day after…and forever.  It’s so easy to complain but much more of a challenge to look for the blessings….are you up for the challenge?  I am!!!

Save the people, Save the world

17 Jan

So my writing prompt today is:  How would you start saving the world if you woke up tomorrow with superhuman powers?

I don’t need superhuman powers to know what our world needs.  Our world needs Jesus.  Our world needs to know the love of our God, who gave up His only Son…for us.  To save US.  If we all, every one of us, kept that in our minds all day, every day…I wonder how the world would be different.  Maybe the shootings might end?  Would the deceit and lies and petty things and adultery and theft all cease?  If you thought of your sin as a direct mark or hit on Jesus – would it stop you?  Stop looking to be saved by acts or power or money or deeds and look to the One who can do it….Jesus.  Invite Him into your heart.  Pray this:

Father, I know I’m a sinner and that I don’t deserve eternal life.  Please forgive me.  I want to turn away from my past sinful life and turn towards you.  Please help me to not sin again.  I know that you sent your son, Jesus Christ, to die for me and my sins.  I also know that He is alive and hears this prayer.  I invite Jesus to become the Lord of my life, to rule and reign in my heart from today forward.  I accept Your gift of eternal life.  In Jesus’ name, AMEN!

If you prayed that….tell me!  Tell everyone!  Welcome to the family….  🙂  Praise the Lord!!!

Sing a Little Song…Or…Not.

13 Jan

Can I share a confession with you?

I dream to sing in a choir.  Like, when I’m at church, I picture myself up there.  I love to sing.  I love to sing praise music.

However – I have amazingly low self-esteem.  I’m shy.  And I’m crazy self-conscious about EVERYTHING.  My voice, my body, my face, my freckles, my everything!  Now, I know that God made me and he doesn’t make any junk…..sure!  However, the feeling I get when I think of putting myself out there like that?  SCARY!!!!

Will you pray with me that God can use this self-conscious person to sing his praises before I do it in Heaven?  I am quite sure I will there…but I’d kinda like to do it BEFORE then!

Busy Bee

6 Jan

I am so excited about the next three weekends.   I can’t even contain myself!!

This weekend, I venture a short ride away and meet up with Victoria – a long time friend – for shopping, gabbing, catching up, eating…I cannot wait.  LONG overdue and very much anticipated!!!

Next weekend, I venture to downtown Raleigh with my sweetheart to just getaway for the night.  Getting dressed up and going to a nice dinner and spending the night in a nice downtown hotel.  So excited to have some time for just US!

Weekend after that – VERY exciting…taking MJ, my mom, and my niece to Atlanta’s American Girl store for some shopping and fun!  We are staying in a Marriott that does it up right – with doll beds for the AG dolls, milk and cookie amenities…it will be some great fun!!

I have some work in the middle of these weekends but I am so ready for them all – I love having things to look forward to!!!

Vitamin F

1 Jan

I’m starting the Blog Challenge for January of 2013…this month’s theme is ENERGY..

So, if I think of where my energy comes from…it’s certainly not from MY mind or MY body or MY inner self…it is from Christ.  Just read “I Can Do All Things Through Christ Who Strengthens Me” – Philippians 4:13.  I pray if I’m having troubles.  I pray if I’m not.  I pray without ceasing.  I pray because that’s what I’ve been instructed to do by His word.  I also believe that the Lord puts people around you to motivate you.   If I am having a hard time pushing through something, almost always the people I think of are my loved ones. If it’s a work project I’m dealing with resistance on, I think of how proud my husband seems of me when it comes to my job.  When I’m having a hard time even THINKING of cooking dinner, I think of how much he enjoys his favorite foods.  When I am exhausted and one of my kids asks me to play…I am absolutely stoked that they picked ME to spend a moment with!  Our kids are so busy and getting older…if one of them actually thinks of me, I am IN!  At the end of the day, it’s easy to be tired and lazy, but with the motivation from my family members, I feel like I can do anything.

Happy New Year!

Just Reflection

14 Dec

My heart is really heavy tonight.  I’ve prayed, I’ve cried, I’ve read, I’ve watched…I’ve tried to comprehend the details and then shut my computer in dismay.  I have hugged my children, absorbed in their scents, and thanked the Lord for my blessings.  I feel so incredibly sad for the families of the little angels that lost their lives today.  I feel so raw with emotion that I can’t even put into words exactly how it makes me feel.  I am looking to my Lord.  I am not asking for answers or understanding or even peace.  What I ask is for more people to trust Him.  More people to have the kind of faith that moves mountains.  That heals hearts.  That forgives.  Those children were so innocent, so unfinished.  Surely so loved by a parent or two….grandparents…great-grandparents..aunts..uncles…brothers…sisters.  Those small little hands and fingers and toes….so small and yet so missed this evening.  I cannot even imagine the hurt and loss that their families must be feeling.  But, even so, I pray that they have faith.  I pray that they look to Him.  I pray that they would draw closer and nearer to the only one who can deliver them.  I pray that they would know Him, love Him, trust Him.  Only through Him will they once again see those small eyes and be reunited among streets of gold!!!  I pray for comfort for these people, this town, our country.  We surely need many things…but most of all, Him.

Gee Thanks!

23 Nov

So, I’ve been a bad, bad girl.  I haven’t been on FB to post every day what I’m thankful for!  <Gasp!>  (Before you think I’m talking about YOU, I did it last year and I didn’t hate it….so I’m not judging.)

But, we all know by now, I’m a list girl.  I’m thankful for lists.  That’s all!  Good night, thanks!

Okay…maybe…more….like…

  1. My personal relationship with my Lord and Saviour.  (If you don’t have that, please talk to me!)
  2. My sweet, considerate, funny hubby.  Our relationship is crazy strong and we are just getting started!  (Six years…)
  3. My kids…all three of them are so different but such great combinations of personality, wit and charm. (And sarcasm.)
  4. My family, every single member of it.  Both sides.  All sides. Especially the relationship with my Mom.  Always there for me.  Always willing to listen.  Also, the relationship between myself and my step-wife (my step-son’s Mom if you are not in the know) is such a blessing.  No drama, just working together for the good of our families that are intertwined.  Makes perfect sense, huh?  🙂
  5. Our home.  Though we are trying to sell it…it has provided shelter from storms, cold (hmm), heat and rain…we’ve welcomed a new life into this home together and had many moments of cheer and sadness as well.
  6. My job and it’s blessings..coworkers…my team..my boss..my friends made and kept there…
  7. Yoga pants
  8. Short hair (don’t care)
  9. Talenti gelato
  10. My wonderful family physician…Phillip takes such good care of us ALL!
  11. A clean house and the fabulous lady who makes that possible!!  (Love my cleaning angel!)
  12. That all my kids are potty trained!!!
  13. Social media. It’s been a lifeline at times for me. Might sound sad..but it’s true.
  14. Lifetime movies
  15. Nordstrom personal stylists. Sometimes when I put on one of the outfits she put together for me I’m still shocked that I’ve gone outside the box on some things.
  16. Hallmark Channel
  17. Dasani water
  18. Bojangles.  Just yes.
  19. Thyroid medicine.  Makes such a difference.
  20. Excel. Pivot tables. V look ups.
  21. Freedom
  22. Fantasy Football – gives me a reason to watch and spend time with my boys and hubby
  23. Blogging. A healthy outlet for me.
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